Alternative pathways in SEND education: the hidden work families do

By the time families begin to talk about alternative provision, EOTAS or stepping away from school, a great deal has already happened.

What is often unseen is the months, sometimes years, of effort that came before.

Families describe attending countless meetings. Writing emails late at night. Chasing responses. Trying strategies suggested by professionals. Holding on to hope that the next adjustment, the next intervention, the next plan will finally make things feel manageable for their child.

This work happens quietly. It sits alongside jobs, caring responsibilities and the emotional toll of watching a child struggle to feel safe or settled in education.

One parent shared:

“People talk about us choosing to step away from school, but it didn’t feel like a choice. It felt like the last option after everything else had failed.”

In policy, alternative pathways are often framed as exceptions. In lived experience, they are more often the outcome of sustained effort within systems that could not adapt quickly or deeply enough to meet a child’s needs.

Families do not arrive at these decisions lightly.

Before considering alternative provision, many parents describe a long period of self-doubt. They question their parenting. They worry about being seen as difficult. They fear being judged for advocating too strongly, or not strongly enough.

Another parent reflected:

“I kept thinking, maybe if I tried harder, maybe if I pushed him a bit more, things would improve. It took a long time to accept that the environment was the problem, not him.”

This internal conflict is exhausting. Families are often balancing professional advice, school expectations and their own instincts, all while trying to protect their child’s wellbeing.

From the outside, the moment a family steps away from school can appear sudden. From the inside, it is usually the result of prolonged stress, advocacy fatigue and a gradual erosion of trust.

SEND policy recognises parental partnership as a principle, but practice does not always create space for families to be genuinely heard. Decisions can feel pre-determined. Processes can feel inflexible. The emotional impact of delay or mismatch is often underestimated.

This is not about blame. Schools and local authorities are working under significant pressure. But it does raise an important question.

What happens when families are expected to carry the emotional weight of systems that cannot flex?

At Love2Learn Education, we often meet families at this point. Our work begins by listening carefully to the journey that has brought them there, without judgement or assumptions.

We recognise that alternative pathways are rarely about opting out of education. They are about opting for safety, dignity and the chance to rebuild confidence.

One parent described that shift:

“Once we stopped fighting to prove he could cope, and started focusing on what he needed, everything changed. Not overnight, but enough to breathe again.”

Alternative provision and EOTAS are not solutions in themselves. They are contexts. What matters is how support is delivered within them, and whether families feel understood rather than scrutinised.

As this series continues, we will keep reflecting on SEND education through the lens of lived experience, including the invisible work families do long before alternative pathways are considered.

Because behind every alternative pathway is not a quick decision, but a long story of effort, care and persistence.